It's my last day

I have about an hour left until my time is done at my job! I can't believe it!

I'm happy

I know that I have had many entries where I was pouring my heart out and saying about how unhappy I was. I have finally talked to my doctor and was put on Paxil for my anxiety/depression. I am a completely different person now. I don't have that oh woos is me feeling anymore. I don't obsess over the little things, I can just enjoy life again. I'm not constantly thinking about every little worry in my life. I am HAPPY again. And it feels so good. If I could walk around singing and dancing I would.

I'm back

So I haven't been blogging b/c my work denied me access to log into my blog. And now three days before I'm done working at this place I'm able to get back on. Go figure. But still I'm back.

Tonight I'm going on a date.... maybe not a date but I'm meeting a guy. I guess it is a blind date. I have been emailing him for a little over a week now and I agreed to have dinner with him tonight. I'm not sure if I'm excited or nervous or both. So far in his emails he has been really nice. He has a lot of qualities that I like. We have been able to carry on a pretty good convo via email so I'm hoping that it will be even better in person.

Now on a negative note, what if I'm not attracted to him? My co-worker is the one who told me about this guy and set up to have us exchange our emails. What am I going to say to her if there is nothing between this guy and me? I guess I will be honest w/ her. And the good thing is that I only have a few days left before I'm gone for good so if wouldn't be awkward for long if it is a bust.

I am wearing my lucky outfit today. I figured that it couldn't hurt.

I don't like to talk about my feelings w/ strangers

Today both my sister and dad told me that I should talk to a counselor. I haven't been doing too good lately. I have been depressed (beyond belief) that I am single. I can't shake this. I don't want to go but know that I need to. I just want this pain to go away right away. I haven't been able to stop crying today. I just need this pain to go away! Please go away.

I just have this feeling that I'm boring. That I need to change every thing about myself. I have never felt this way before and it is scaring me. I kinda just want to go to sleep for a few days and wake up feeling better.

Yawn

I think that I'm a boring person.

I think that I must be on a downward spiral today.... I sometimes don't know why people are my friends. What do I have to offer to them?

I need to start doing more. I need to be more exciting. I need a change.

I'm sorry to be such a downer today. I am just trying to talk through my feelings.

On now that we are on it..... I wonder all the time, why will a guy want to fall in love w/ me. It is almost impossible for me to see someone loving me unconditionally. It's what I want so bad but I don't see it happening.

I don't know what to do....

I had been doing fine. I had accepted it. Then I read a book. A love story. I can't get a hold of my emotions now. I have fallen apart. I am so upset that I'm single. The more I think about the book (which is a lot b/c I loved the book) the more upset I get. I don't know how to stop these emotions. Please just take them away. I have been a crying mess the last three days.

On top of it all, I now do not know if I think that fairy tale love exits. I have always thought that I would meet my prince charming and I don't think that it exists. I feel like I found out that there is no santa all over again.

I honestly don't know what is wrong w/ me right now. Stress, loneliness, a mental breakdown but I just want to be happy and I feel the complete opposite right now.

30's are the new 20's

Someone the other day told me that. I of course liked hearing it since I'm officially as close to being 30 as you can be now. I am two days away from my 29th bday. I hope that this coming year will be a good year. I tell myself at every bday that this is going to be the year that great things happen and that most of the time isn't the case. Not that bad things happen but I'm looking for some monumental events here. Maybe 29 will be that lucky number for me. It has been the age that I have been dreading for quite a while now.

On a side note: My mom was 29 when she had me. That is hard to believe.....

Happy Halloween

Friday Friday Friday

Well tomorrow is my Friday. I took off Halloween. I have had a stressful week so I'm really looking forward to this. My plan is to take some pics. Hopefully I will get some good ones.

Taco Bell

KB, D and I went to Taco Bell for lunch today. We all got a little bit more then what we bargained for. But I'm sure we all feel better right now... haha. Thanks for lunch girls!