Rebel

I'm being a rebel right now. I should be working, I should be busy slaving away. Nope I'm not going to give in for the rest of the day. I'm sitting at my desk arms crossed not even staring at my computer (well I am right now b/c I'm typing this). I'm rebelling against the system. The I have to go to work five days a week, work 40 hours system. I'm wondering what they would think if I decided to climb under my desk and nap or go into the bathroom now and now leave it until 5pm. Man I'm bored.

Chuck!!!!

I'm so happy that one of my favorites tv shows Chuck came back on last night. Nothing better then a dorky cute guy making me laugh.

You can call me Kiki

Your Preppy Name Is...

Pomeroy Whitmire North the Third But most people know you as Kiki

What's" Your Preppy Name?

Stay away you crazy woman

A few weeks ago I forwarded on to some of my friends an email that a co worker sent me. This co workers name is Sophia. She had around Labor Day told me that her daughter had broken up w/ her b/f and was just hanging around the house not doing anything, then she mentioned that maybe her and I should maybe hang out one time. I was so shocked that I don't even think words came out of my mouth. Then one day maybe a week later she emailed her daughter and copied me in and in the email she was saying to her daughter 'Here is the girl I was telling you about, here is her email. Email her and try to set something up" WTF!!! I was totally shocked that someone would do that. Luckily her daughter never emailed me. I was nervous that my co-worker would try to talk to me again so every time she walked past me I would pick up the phone and start dialing so she wouldn't talk to me. All was going good until yesterday right before I left to come home. I was trying to register to vote and all of a sudden I heard her voice behind me.

She: Melissa, Have I ever showed you a pic of my family?

Me: NO

Laying the pic down on my desk then she said: This is my oldest daughter who is 27, her husband, my other daughter who is in college, and here is the daughter I have been telling you about, she is your age. (She had before told me that her daughter was 21)

Me: Oh so she is 28 almost 29?

Her: You are that old, you don't look that old!

(me thinking that she would stop the harassment b/c I'm much older then this youngster)

Her: Well maybe you can come over to our house for lunch one day? You guys have so much in common, hair and makeup. (OK I'm sorry but you have never talked to me, how do you know that I like that stuff!)

Me (shocked): I'm kinda busy, I have night school.

Her: You can still try to meet her?

Me (shocked again): I have a boyfriend, my time is limited!

Her: Well we both live off of L*** Street so we are right down the road from you.

Me (now thinking she is stalking me): I'm thinking of getting a second job also.

Her: Oh you don't want to do that.

Me: Well you know I don't even have time to hang out w/ my own friends so I don't think this will work out.

Her: Well maybe when you have free time you can come over.

OMG!!! Just give up lady. You would think that my excuses are an obvious attempt to get you to leave me alone. You psycho freak!

Rejection - it always hurts

I canceled my match account but it is still good until Oct or Nov. Last night I got an email with my weekly matches. I still open those up and look to see if there is anyone cute. I saw a pretty cute guy so I winked at him. Which then led me to another guy who I also winked at. Well you know how if you are not interested you and say "No Thanks" to someone well I have never done that to any of the guys that have winked or emailed me and I had never had anyone sent that to me until last night. And I was a little bit hurt. I mean I'm fine if you just never say anything to me but somehow getting an email saying sorry but I'm not interested was a bit harsh! Or maybe it is just b/c I'm going to get my period in three days and I'm a bit emotional!

Is that your final decision?

Yes it is. I am a junior college drop out. And I feel pretty damn good about it. After going to class one more time I have decided that I don't have a desire to make prints in a dark room anymore. I was so slow on Thursday (I think just b/c I didn't want to even do this anymore) and I will in no way have all of my prints done by Thursday which is our due date. Teacher was a little bit better but my need to be in the class is over. I will however continue my own teachings. I have already checked out books from the library on how to make me an amazing photographer. I'm thinking that maybe each week I will ask someone (friend, family) to come up w/ assignments for me or I will just continue off the teachers schedule and now just take the pictures on my digital camera. I'm sure in a bit I might want to use up the photo paper that I have but as of right now I'm done.

Job Ideas

Most of my friends are talented in some way or another and this past weekend I was trying to use your talents to benefit me. I have come up with ideas on how I can go into business w/ you all. So this is what I have come up w/. Let me know if I have any takers.

Chris: We should open our own Ace of Cakes. I can't bake that well but I can be the Mary Alice to your Duff. Having our own TV show is optional. That one is up to you. Fall back you can open a scrapbook shop w/ Jen and me.

Jen: We will open up our own Scrapbook store. But ours will be different b/c we will have workshops where people will come in to scrapbook and you will sit there and talk to them about there problems. I can order the supplies and stock the shelves. Fall back for you is that you can work w/ Chris and me at our bakery.

Patty: We can be stay at home people who watch TV all day. We can also shop and go out to eat. That will mean that we will have to get some sugar daddies. Fall back for you is to manage the bakery or the scrapbook shop. We can't let your manager skills go to waste.

Draya: We will open up our own shop. A clothing shop. We will be like Kelly and Donna from BH 90210. We will also design our own clothes b/c we will both have just come from the show Project Runway. I got kicked off in the first week but you make it to Bryant Park. Fall back for you is that you become a totally famous designer and leave me in the dusts.

Kelly: We will open our own inn. But we will have to move out to the East Coast and live in a small town. That is the only way that bed and breakfasts work is on the East Coast. I will also meet and fall in love w/ a diner owner. Fall back will be that you work at Draya and mine clothing line.

Nikki: We will have our own photo studio. We can range from taking pics of babies to wedding. We will become so famous that famous people will start coming into our studio. Fall back will be that you take photos for the bakery, the clothing shop, the scrapbook store, or the bed and breakfast.

Gilmore Girls go Action

I watched a few episodes of GG last night ( I watch them before bed ) and I dreamed that the Grandma, mom and daughter were on this high chase adventure and bad guys were after them. I woke up thinking that I have issues! That was almost as bad as my Pet Cemetery dream. I dreamed that I was the mom from the movie and that everything in the movie was happening to me. You know that my four year old son was killed and then brought back to life and starting killing everyone... yeah that dream takes the cake for me!

Redemption

So I had class last night and I was slightly happy b/c my teach was better then the previous week. He advise on my pics were good and he sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Although I went through about 10 pieces of photo paper (ouch) but I was happier w/ the outcome of my pic. So I would give him a B for the day!

BFF Weekend!

In case there are any of you Old Navy fans out there if you go into an Old Navy this weekend w/ a friend and give the code BFF then you and your friends can each receive 20% off. That's right bitches 20% off. Too bad I'm trying to save money but maybe I will talk a friend to go w/ me.

Stay in or Drop

I don't know if I should stay in my class or drop it. I'm not happy w/ it. I have spent a lot of money already but if I stay in I will only need to spend more! I'm not learning anything new the only reason to stay now would be that I get to make some black and white prints! I don't know what to do?

Another one bites the dust (or will soon)

Found out that my younger cousin is engaged. Yay Malinda! But sucks to be me. Everyone around me is getting married or engaged and I'm starting to think that I might not ever get my turn. I used to always say 'when I get married...' and now I have been saying ' if I get married...'. I'm pretty sad by that. I think that if I was able to support myself and lived alone then maybe I wouldn't feel as pathetic. Yes I said pathetic b/c that is how I feel. I feel that I haven't done anything w/ my life so far. I have been trying to fix that (looking for a new job, taking a class) but still nothing is changing how I feel. I was talking to my mom a little bit about this and she found the word that I was trying to say described how I felt... Lost!

I would like a bone!

I first want to say that I feel totally ungrateful that I'm not more appreciative of all that I have. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, loved ones in my life. But I can't get over the fact that there are these big things in my life that I'm not happy about. I have never been too lucky in the love department and for the most part my jobs have always sucked. Last night I was thinking about this a lot and I just wanted to shot out loud "Will you please just give me a break already" Can I please just at least get one of the two things that I desperately want! I mean throw me a bone already!

Which now is bringing me to my new obsession that I'm thinking about... Am I a loner? I'm not sure what the answer is.

Congrats to you!

D I just want to say that I'm so happy that you are J are going to spend the rest of your lives together. Even with all the rain, Saturday was an amazing day for you and all of your friends and family b/c we got to witness this special day w/ you. Cheers to you!

A little bit of nothing...

Is it me or was today's grey sky a funny shade of grey? Maybe since I'm in my class and we are dealing w/ contrast and all that kind of stuff I am seeing things in a different light.

New thing that I need to buy for photo class: a tripod. I guess it isn't too bad b/c I wanted to get one anyways but this class is making me poor. The cool thing is that I get to try night photography.

Bugger: My teacher was telling all the other students all these thing on how to make there pics better. I was waiting my turn to show him my pic and he was taking his old sweet time w/ all of them w/ suggestions. It is then my turn. I'm feeling bad b/c I don't think my pic is good (not the actually objects on the pics, but the quality of the photo I made) and I'm expecting him to tell me it sucks and it redo it again. His response "Its good, go dry it" WTF. Either I am better then I think or he just doesn't want to help me. That bastard!

I think that there is a guy and girl in my class that has a crush on me. And why not. I think that I'm the class hottie, if I may say so. Both are on the very artisy side too so if I need help I'm sure both will be willing to help me. Bonus point!

Vision Board

I heard recently about vision boards. I was bored at work today and googled it and found this pretty cool blog about creating a vision board. I think that I am going to make one. It sounds very positive, which is my new goal in life. To stay positive.

So if you are interested in learning more yourself check it out:

http://www.christinekane.com/blog/how-to-make-a-vision-board/

Be Positive...

I showed someone the pics from my friends wedding and was told that I looked stunning. I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before. That made me feel good.

Someone told me that my pics on my flickr account are good. Yay me. Well she might have been hitting on me too but hey that is also a plus.

I got three scrapbook pages done yesterday. I'm a few pages short of finishing my second scrapbook. Rock on!

I was rocking a good hair day until the rain made me a frizz ball.

Gossip Girls and One Tree Hill are on tonight, always a plus in my book. Maybe I will get a cool new saying besides Mother Chucker!

Someone in class on Thursday told me that my photo gram was good. I am the photo queen of the world.

Oh and someone told me that I did good makeup and I should work at Mac. Thanks Carla.

My Mood

I worked out on Friday. I got to the locket checked my cell phone and I had a voice mail. All day Friday I had waited to hear back from the company I interviewed for. I had a voicemail from Heather. As I'm walking out of Lifetime I start listening to the message. I am soon saddened by her telling me that I didn't get the job. I'm not even halfway to my car and the tears start forming. I text my friends that I didn't get the job. I drive home half sobbing half trying to try and text back to my friends. I call my mom and start crying all over again. I get home see my dad and totally let out the tears. I am shocked at my reaction to this news. I don't cry in front of people that often and never had I cried about not getting a job before. I feel horrible, not good enough, rejected and not I will never get a job that I am happy with. This all soon goes away. I started to watch 90210 to take my mind off of the situation. It helps. I go to my friends house, I cried more like sobbed face and all. They didn't bring up the job, which I was so thankful and I had a good night. I re listened to the voicemail today and see that there were some positives in her message. She really did like me and passed on my into to HR and other manager in the company. She would love to see me work for her or someone else there. She told me to call her if I had any questions. I feel better. I don't feel as much the loser as I did. I now have some hope back.

180 or maybe 360

Weekend: Worked out, cried, very upset, not so upset, hang out w/ friends, library, took pics, burned arm, dinner, movie, felt better, didn't feel better, cleaned, Harry Potter, scrapbooked, good meal, can't stop eating, Bears, VMA's, dreading going to work.

Bored Bored Bored

I have less then one hour left of work today. This week had been a huge struggle for me to get through. I was hoping to hear about the job that I applied for but as of 4:05 still nothing. Bummer. Also a bummer is that both of my emails are in the fritz. If you know me then you would know that this is a horrible situation. I live for my emails from my peeps. It is what keeps me going through the work hours of the day.

Also a bummer is that last night I found out that I will have to give a presentation for my photo class.... WHAT! I thought that I was done w/ this stuff. If I was 100% sure that I wasn't going to continue on to the next photo class I would just blow that off and tell me teach that I just want to take the pics... Oh well. I have a week and a half to get through that.

Oh a happy note... ummmm I guess I don't have one... DAMN!

How do you handle these situations?

In a few days I'm going to find out if I got a job or not. My question is how do you handle rejection or how do you handle being told that they are offering you a job? I want to make sure that I say the right thing in both situations. So if you have any advise please let me know.

Weekend

Shopping, spending too much money on school supplies, dinner, pics pics pics, more shopping, eating eating eating, game night, being tired, being moody, getting my period, walking, sitting on the grass for two hours, listening to Richard Marks, walking, using a port a poty, tired, being moody again, forest preserve, being hot, having fun, hula hooping, taking pics, eating bbq, laughing, being hot, being moody, waking up to go to work..... SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to chalk it up to an odd day.

Not too much what is w/ me today. I walked into work and decided that right at that moment I had to cancel my match account. Too bad it is paid up until Nov. I don't want to be on there anymore. It's (again) not working for me and I'm not putting in any effort w/ it. I kind of don't want to go to photo class anymore. I'm bored and over it. I just want to be able to go in the dark room and do my own thing. I don't want to have this teacher who is younger then me (he also sucks as a teacher) I don't want to be around these young kids and I don't want to go to lecture tonight. I didn't sign up for this class so that I have to go to lecture. I'm already thinking of blowing off class. I want to know right now if I got that job, good or bad. I don't want to have to wait until later this week or next week. I want piece of mind. I have been in a funk the last few days and I want to be over it already. I'm a moody ass right now and I'm pretty pissed off that I'm at work right now. I also want to move out of my house. I'm over that too.