I don't like to talk about my feelings w/ strangers

Today both my sister and dad told me that I should talk to a counselor. I haven't been doing too good lately. I have been depressed (beyond belief) that I am single. I can't shake this. I don't want to go but know that I need to. I just want this pain to go away right away. I haven't been able to stop crying today. I just need this pain to go away! Please go away.

I just have this feeling that I'm boring. That I need to change every thing about myself. I have never felt this way before and it is scaring me. I kinda just want to go to sleep for a few days and wake up feeling better.

Yawn

I think that I'm a boring person.

I think that I must be on a downward spiral today.... I sometimes don't know why people are my friends. What do I have to offer to them?

I need to start doing more. I need to be more exciting. I need a change.

I'm sorry to be such a downer today. I am just trying to talk through my feelings.

On now that we are on it..... I wonder all the time, why will a guy want to fall in love w/ me. It is almost impossible for me to see someone loving me unconditionally. It's what I want so bad but I don't see it happening.

I don't know what to do....

I had been doing fine. I had accepted it. Then I read a book. A love story. I can't get a hold of my emotions now. I have fallen apart. I am so upset that I'm single. The more I think about the book (which is a lot b/c I loved the book) the more upset I get. I don't know how to stop these emotions. Please just take them away. I have been a crying mess the last three days.

On top of it all, I now do not know if I think that fairy tale love exits. I have always thought that I would meet my prince charming and I don't think that it exists. I feel like I found out that there is no santa all over again.

I honestly don't know what is wrong w/ me right now. Stress, loneliness, a mental breakdown but I just want to be happy and I feel the complete opposite right now.

30's are the new 20's

Someone the other day told me that. I of course liked hearing it since I'm officially as close to being 30 as you can be now. I am two days away from my 29th bday. I hope that this coming year will be a good year. I tell myself at every bday that this is going to be the year that great things happen and that most of the time isn't the case. Not that bad things happen but I'm looking for some monumental events here. Maybe 29 will be that lucky number for me. It has been the age that I have been dreading for quite a while now.

On a side note: My mom was 29 when she had me. That is hard to believe.....

Happy Halloween

Friday Friday Friday

Well tomorrow is my Friday. I took off Halloween. I have had a stressful week so I'm really looking forward to this. My plan is to take some pics. Hopefully I will get some good ones.

Taco Bell

KB, D and I went to Taco Bell for lunch today. We all got a little bit more then what we bargained for. But I'm sure we all feel better right now... haha. Thanks for lunch girls!

You Like to ....... Fish????

So I found out tonight that the cutie likes to fish and camp, ick. He loves the bears (bonus), music, writing music, bonfires and coffee. There were other stuff added to his list but those were the things that stood out.

Guess who is going to be knocking on my door?

I found out tonight that before my bro goes to Africa to train w/the Army special forces that they have to do a back ground check on him.... and that means that they have to do back ground checks on his whole family.... I guess it is a good thing that the law and I are on good terms... I hope we all are all updated on all of our taxes.... HMMMM.

Update

Ok Erin confirmed that new boy is totally single!!! Hell yeah baby!

Good News

Ok I think I was somewhat searching for a miracle today and I might have gotten one. I got a call back from the last company I interviewed for. They are wondering if I am still looking for a new job and want to see if I would like to come in and interview for a new one. I have no idea what the position is but I'm in! Thank you Jesus!

Ok I'm going to write a positive post before the day is up. Ok I guess I somewhat have one now. Here is Art's latest email to me.

Hey smiles!!They released me late last night from the hospital. They performed the vertebral biopsy with no issues. I'm now waiting for the results of the biopsy. I'm recovering at my moms house for the remainder of the week. You can call me at xxxxxxxxxx if you want to talk.

I'm happy that he is out of the hospital but I hope that I will have a positive post about myself before the day is over. sniff sniff. Weds suck!

This sucks, Erin you didn't do your job right!

Well I was just looking at the new cuties facebook and saw that on Oct 1 he updated "Adam is no longer single" Man I'm too late!

***** Ok I just talked to KB and it could mean that he just deleted the relationship status from his profile and that is why is it saying that he is no longer single, I hope you are right KB!******

Eating

I think that lately I have been eating to make myself feel better. I will eat sometimes even when I'm not hungry. That is kind of worrying me. Any suggestions to help me not do this?

Help!

I think that my job is making me emotionally and physically a mess. I'm trying to track down time frames on when I started to notice issues w/ myself and try to relate them to something in my life. I'm starting to think that it might be from this job. I come to work and almost every day I have to hold back tears or on the days when that doesn't happen it is more of a numbness that I experience. I'm just waiting for the day that I'm at work and just snap. My guess is that I will just burst into tears here or just totally lose it and walk out.

Lately I have noticed that I don't care if I do stuff that I used to love to do. I don't know why this is. Maybe I'm just sick of the same old stuff, maybe I am just so emotionally drained that I don't care about what I used to love to do. Maybe I am just getting older and don't like the same stuff. I don't know what it is. It is slightly bothering me. It isn't like I'm not excited about anything b/c that isn't true. I almost feel paralyzed and can't do anything to fix my work issues.

Maybe I need to be put on some meds!

I don't try hard

I have always known this about myself but today it is bothering me. I don't try hard at anything I do. I have been like this for as long as I can remember. In school I only did enough to get by w/ ok grades. In my whole job career I have never put in much efforts to really look for a job. Most of (or all) have just been dumped into my lap. I don't know why I am like this. Maybe it is just b/c I'm lazy. I need to start making efforts to be a more aggressive person. I need a new job so bad that it is effecting my health slightly. I don't know if I just need some sort of push. I need to get my act together though.

I carried a Watermelon

I saw Dirty Dancing Saturday night and had the time of my life. The show was so good. I had a cheesy smile on my face the whole time. Now I want to take dance lessons and I want to meet a Johny Castle type guy to call my own. So if you can I suggest that you stop what you are doing right now and buy some tickets and go. And let me know b/c I might want to go w/ you :)

100 Years.... Come on Cubbies

I'm watching the cubs game right now and they are killing me. I don't think it is meant to be for them. Maybe next year! :) Maybe I should put on the pink cubs hat that I have for good luck. I'm bored right now if you can't tell. I'm avoiding doing what I said that I was going to do tonight, pay my bills and order the 1000 pics that I need to order for my friends and me.

Time For Change

I hope you like my new blog layout. It was time for something new. Just as I'm feeling the same way w/ my hair..... Now the question is, red or dark brown? What color should I do????

I thought that this was good.

A mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Iraq ?'
A mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Saudi Arabia ?'
A mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die in Kuwait ?'
Another mother asked this President...'Why did my son have to die in Vietnam ?'
Another mother asked this President...'Why did my son have to die in Korea ?'
Another mother asked this President... 'Why did my son have to die on Iwo Jima ?'
Another mother asked President... 'Why did my son have to die on a battlefield in France ?'
Yet another mother asked President... 'Why did my son have to die at Gettysburg ?'
And yet another mother asked President...' Why did my son have to die on a frozen field near Valley Forge ?'
Then long, long ago, a mother asked...'Heavenly Father, why did my Son have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem ?'
The answer is always the same... 'So that others may live and dwell in peace, happiness, and freedom.'
This was emailed to me with no author. I thought the magnitude and the simplicity were awesome. If you are not willing to stand BEHIND our troops, Please, please feel free to stand in front ofthem....

All I have to say to that is HELL YEAH!

New Job Idea For Me

What would you guys think if I decided to move to Las Vegas and become a go-go dancer? Ummm something to think about.

Positive:

I would be in Las Vegas
I would get a rocking body dancing all the time
Maybe I could get some awesome tips from drunk boys

Negatives:

Perverts
I would be living in Las Vegas and I would prob end up on a reality show about girls who move to Las Vegas to become go-go dancers.

Rebel

I'm being a rebel right now. I should be working, I should be busy slaving away. Nope I'm not going to give in for the rest of the day. I'm sitting at my desk arms crossed not even staring at my computer (well I am right now b/c I'm typing this). I'm rebelling against the system. The I have to go to work five days a week, work 40 hours system. I'm wondering what they would think if I decided to climb under my desk and nap or go into the bathroom now and now leave it until 5pm. Man I'm bored.

Chuck!!!!

I'm so happy that one of my favorites tv shows Chuck came back on last night. Nothing better then a dorky cute guy making me laugh.

You can call me Kiki

Your Preppy Name Is...

Pomeroy Whitmire North the Third But most people know you as Kiki

What's" Your Preppy Name?

Stay away you crazy woman

A few weeks ago I forwarded on to some of my friends an email that a co worker sent me. This co workers name is Sophia. She had around Labor Day told me that her daughter had broken up w/ her b/f and was just hanging around the house not doing anything, then she mentioned that maybe her and I should maybe hang out one time. I was so shocked that I don't even think words came out of my mouth. Then one day maybe a week later she emailed her daughter and copied me in and in the email she was saying to her daughter 'Here is the girl I was telling you about, here is her email. Email her and try to set something up" WTF!!! I was totally shocked that someone would do that. Luckily her daughter never emailed me. I was nervous that my co-worker would try to talk to me again so every time she walked past me I would pick up the phone and start dialing so she wouldn't talk to me. All was going good until yesterday right before I left to come home. I was trying to register to vote and all of a sudden I heard her voice behind me.

She: Melissa, Have I ever showed you a pic of my family?

Me: NO

Laying the pic down on my desk then she said: This is my oldest daughter who is 27, her husband, my other daughter who is in college, and here is the daughter I have been telling you about, she is your age. (She had before told me that her daughter was 21)

Me: Oh so she is 28 almost 29?

Her: You are that old, you don't look that old!

(me thinking that she would stop the harassment b/c I'm much older then this youngster)

Her: Well maybe you can come over to our house for lunch one day? You guys have so much in common, hair and makeup. (OK I'm sorry but you have never talked to me, how do you know that I like that stuff!)

Me (shocked): I'm kinda busy, I have night school.

Her: You can still try to meet her?

Me (shocked again): I have a boyfriend, my time is limited!

Her: Well we both live off of L*** Street so we are right down the road from you.

Me (now thinking she is stalking me): I'm thinking of getting a second job also.

Her: Oh you don't want to do that.

Me: Well you know I don't even have time to hang out w/ my own friends so I don't think this will work out.

Her: Well maybe when you have free time you can come over.

OMG!!! Just give up lady. You would think that my excuses are an obvious attempt to get you to leave me alone. You psycho freak!

Rejection - it always hurts

I canceled my match account but it is still good until Oct or Nov. Last night I got an email with my weekly matches. I still open those up and look to see if there is anyone cute. I saw a pretty cute guy so I winked at him. Which then led me to another guy who I also winked at. Well you know how if you are not interested you and say "No Thanks" to someone well I have never done that to any of the guys that have winked or emailed me and I had never had anyone sent that to me until last night. And I was a little bit hurt. I mean I'm fine if you just never say anything to me but somehow getting an email saying sorry but I'm not interested was a bit harsh! Or maybe it is just b/c I'm going to get my period in three days and I'm a bit emotional!

Is that your final decision?

Yes it is. I am a junior college drop out. And I feel pretty damn good about it. After going to class one more time I have decided that I don't have a desire to make prints in a dark room anymore. I was so slow on Thursday (I think just b/c I didn't want to even do this anymore) and I will in no way have all of my prints done by Thursday which is our due date. Teacher was a little bit better but my need to be in the class is over. I will however continue my own teachings. I have already checked out books from the library on how to make me an amazing photographer. I'm thinking that maybe each week I will ask someone (friend, family) to come up w/ assignments for me or I will just continue off the teachers schedule and now just take the pictures on my digital camera. I'm sure in a bit I might want to use up the photo paper that I have but as of right now I'm done.

Job Ideas

Most of my friends are talented in some way or another and this past weekend I was trying to use your talents to benefit me. I have come up with ideas on how I can go into business w/ you all. So this is what I have come up w/. Let me know if I have any takers.

Chris: We should open our own Ace of Cakes. I can't bake that well but I can be the Mary Alice to your Duff. Having our own TV show is optional. That one is up to you. Fall back you can open a scrapbook shop w/ Jen and me.

Jen: We will open up our own Scrapbook store. But ours will be different b/c we will have workshops where people will come in to scrapbook and you will sit there and talk to them about there problems. I can order the supplies and stock the shelves. Fall back for you is that you can work w/ Chris and me at our bakery.

Patty: We can be stay at home people who watch TV all day. We can also shop and go out to eat. That will mean that we will have to get some sugar daddies. Fall back for you is to manage the bakery or the scrapbook shop. We can't let your manager skills go to waste.

Draya: We will open up our own shop. A clothing shop. We will be like Kelly and Donna from BH 90210. We will also design our own clothes b/c we will both have just come from the show Project Runway. I got kicked off in the first week but you make it to Bryant Park. Fall back for you is that you become a totally famous designer and leave me in the dusts.

Kelly: We will open our own inn. But we will have to move out to the East Coast and live in a small town. That is the only way that bed and breakfasts work is on the East Coast. I will also meet and fall in love w/ a diner owner. Fall back will be that you work at Draya and mine clothing line.

Nikki: We will have our own photo studio. We can range from taking pics of babies to wedding. We will become so famous that famous people will start coming into our studio. Fall back will be that you take photos for the bakery, the clothing shop, the scrapbook store, or the bed and breakfast.

Gilmore Girls go Action

I watched a few episodes of GG last night ( I watch them before bed ) and I dreamed that the Grandma, mom and daughter were on this high chase adventure and bad guys were after them. I woke up thinking that I have issues! That was almost as bad as my Pet Cemetery dream. I dreamed that I was the mom from the movie and that everything in the movie was happening to me. You know that my four year old son was killed and then brought back to life and starting killing everyone... yeah that dream takes the cake for me!

Redemption

So I had class last night and I was slightly happy b/c my teach was better then the previous week. He advise on my pics were good and he sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Although I went through about 10 pieces of photo paper (ouch) but I was happier w/ the outcome of my pic. So I would give him a B for the day!

BFF Weekend!

In case there are any of you Old Navy fans out there if you go into an Old Navy this weekend w/ a friend and give the code BFF then you and your friends can each receive 20% off. That's right bitches 20% off. Too bad I'm trying to save money but maybe I will talk a friend to go w/ me.

Stay in or Drop

I don't know if I should stay in my class or drop it. I'm not happy w/ it. I have spent a lot of money already but if I stay in I will only need to spend more! I'm not learning anything new the only reason to stay now would be that I get to make some black and white prints! I don't know what to do?

Another one bites the dust (or will soon)

Found out that my younger cousin is engaged. Yay Malinda! But sucks to be me. Everyone around me is getting married or engaged and I'm starting to think that I might not ever get my turn. I used to always say 'when I get married...' and now I have been saying ' if I get married...'. I'm pretty sad by that. I think that if I was able to support myself and lived alone then maybe I wouldn't feel as pathetic. Yes I said pathetic b/c that is how I feel. I feel that I haven't done anything w/ my life so far. I have been trying to fix that (looking for a new job, taking a class) but still nothing is changing how I feel. I was talking to my mom a little bit about this and she found the word that I was trying to say described how I felt... Lost!

I would like a bone!

I first want to say that I feel totally ungrateful that I'm not more appreciative of all that I have. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, loved ones in my life. But I can't get over the fact that there are these big things in my life that I'm not happy about. I have never been too lucky in the love department and for the most part my jobs have always sucked. Last night I was thinking about this a lot and I just wanted to shot out loud "Will you please just give me a break already" Can I please just at least get one of the two things that I desperately want! I mean throw me a bone already!

Which now is bringing me to my new obsession that I'm thinking about... Am I a loner? I'm not sure what the answer is.

Congrats to you!

D I just want to say that I'm so happy that you are J are going to spend the rest of your lives together. Even with all the rain, Saturday was an amazing day for you and all of your friends and family b/c we got to witness this special day w/ you. Cheers to you!

A little bit of nothing...

Is it me or was today's grey sky a funny shade of grey? Maybe since I'm in my class and we are dealing w/ contrast and all that kind of stuff I am seeing things in a different light.

New thing that I need to buy for photo class: a tripod. I guess it isn't too bad b/c I wanted to get one anyways but this class is making me poor. The cool thing is that I get to try night photography.

Bugger: My teacher was telling all the other students all these thing on how to make there pics better. I was waiting my turn to show him my pic and he was taking his old sweet time w/ all of them w/ suggestions. It is then my turn. I'm feeling bad b/c I don't think my pic is good (not the actually objects on the pics, but the quality of the photo I made) and I'm expecting him to tell me it sucks and it redo it again. His response "Its good, go dry it" WTF. Either I am better then I think or he just doesn't want to help me. That bastard!

I think that there is a guy and girl in my class that has a crush on me. And why not. I think that I'm the class hottie, if I may say so. Both are on the very artisy side too so if I need help I'm sure both will be willing to help me. Bonus point!

Vision Board

I heard recently about vision boards. I was bored at work today and googled it and found this pretty cool blog about creating a vision board. I think that I am going to make one. It sounds very positive, which is my new goal in life. To stay positive.

So if you are interested in learning more yourself check it out:

http://www.christinekane.com/blog/how-to-make-a-vision-board/

Be Positive...

I showed someone the pics from my friends wedding and was told that I looked stunning. I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before. That made me feel good.

Someone told me that my pics on my flickr account are good. Yay me. Well she might have been hitting on me too but hey that is also a plus.

I got three scrapbook pages done yesterday. I'm a few pages short of finishing my second scrapbook. Rock on!

I was rocking a good hair day until the rain made me a frizz ball.

Gossip Girls and One Tree Hill are on tonight, always a plus in my book. Maybe I will get a cool new saying besides Mother Chucker!

Someone in class on Thursday told me that my photo gram was good. I am the photo queen of the world.

Oh and someone told me that I did good makeup and I should work at Mac. Thanks Carla.

My Mood

I worked out on Friday. I got to the locket checked my cell phone and I had a voice mail. All day Friday I had waited to hear back from the company I interviewed for. I had a voicemail from Heather. As I'm walking out of Lifetime I start listening to the message. I am soon saddened by her telling me that I didn't get the job. I'm not even halfway to my car and the tears start forming. I text my friends that I didn't get the job. I drive home half sobbing half trying to try and text back to my friends. I call my mom and start crying all over again. I get home see my dad and totally let out the tears. I am shocked at my reaction to this news. I don't cry in front of people that often and never had I cried about not getting a job before. I feel horrible, not good enough, rejected and not I will never get a job that I am happy with. This all soon goes away. I started to watch 90210 to take my mind off of the situation. It helps. I go to my friends house, I cried more like sobbed face and all. They didn't bring up the job, which I was so thankful and I had a good night. I re listened to the voicemail today and see that there were some positives in her message. She really did like me and passed on my into to HR and other manager in the company. She would love to see me work for her or someone else there. She told me to call her if I had any questions. I feel better. I don't feel as much the loser as I did. I now have some hope back.

180 or maybe 360

Weekend: Worked out, cried, very upset, not so upset, hang out w/ friends, library, took pics, burned arm, dinner, movie, felt better, didn't feel better, cleaned, Harry Potter, scrapbooked, good meal, can't stop eating, Bears, VMA's, dreading going to work.

Bored Bored Bored

I have less then one hour left of work today. This week had been a huge struggle for me to get through. I was hoping to hear about the job that I applied for but as of 4:05 still nothing. Bummer. Also a bummer is that both of my emails are in the fritz. If you know me then you would know that this is a horrible situation. I live for my emails from my peeps. It is what keeps me going through the work hours of the day.

Also a bummer is that last night I found out that I will have to give a presentation for my photo class.... WHAT! I thought that I was done w/ this stuff. If I was 100% sure that I wasn't going to continue on to the next photo class I would just blow that off and tell me teach that I just want to take the pics... Oh well. I have a week and a half to get through that.

Oh a happy note... ummmm I guess I don't have one... DAMN!

How do you handle these situations?

In a few days I'm going to find out if I got a job or not. My question is how do you handle rejection or how do you handle being told that they are offering you a job? I want to make sure that I say the right thing in both situations. So if you have any advise please let me know.

Weekend

Shopping, spending too much money on school supplies, dinner, pics pics pics, more shopping, eating eating eating, game night, being tired, being moody, getting my period, walking, sitting on the grass for two hours, listening to Richard Marks, walking, using a port a poty, tired, being moody again, forest preserve, being hot, having fun, hula hooping, taking pics, eating bbq, laughing, being hot, being moody, waking up to go to work..... SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to chalk it up to an odd day.

Not too much what is w/ me today. I walked into work and decided that right at that moment I had to cancel my match account. Too bad it is paid up until Nov. I don't want to be on there anymore. It's (again) not working for me and I'm not putting in any effort w/ it. I kind of don't want to go to photo class anymore. I'm bored and over it. I just want to be able to go in the dark room and do my own thing. I don't want to have this teacher who is younger then me (he also sucks as a teacher) I don't want to be around these young kids and I don't want to go to lecture tonight. I didn't sign up for this class so that I have to go to lecture. I'm already thinking of blowing off class. I want to know right now if I got that job, good or bad. I don't want to have to wait until later this week or next week. I want piece of mind. I have been in a funk the last few days and I want to be over it already. I'm a moody ass right now and I'm pretty pissed off that I'm at work right now. I also want to move out of my house. I'm over that too.

Grateful

I had been stressing out slightly today knowing that in less then 24 hours I will be having my second interview. All of a sudden a calmness has come over me. I don't know where that has come from b/c if you know me at all you know that I worry about everything. I even worry about worrying too much... it is a sick cycle. Anyways I don't know where this new ray of hope has come from but I have decided to take this time and blog about what I'm grateful today.

I'm grateful that the bathroom at work is pretty close to me. I visit it often and like that the distance I travel isn't far.

I'm grateful that I have many friends to email everyday. W/out them I would go out of my mind.

I'm grateful that I get to go home for lunch. Today I watched 18 mins of a tivo'd Beverly Hills 90210. It was from the last season and Donna has just realized that she still loves David.

I'm grateful that I'm not working out tonight, even though I should. I have to finish up a homework assignment so I actually have a good excuse to not pump some iron.

I'm grateful that even though I look like crap today, I don't have school so that the hottie teacher won't see me looking bad.

Maybe it is just me but this seems like a stupid question

Today I got an email from someone from match. They wrote 'Are you still single?' Ummm yeah hello I am on match aren't I..... geez!

Bitter... no I'm not bitter.... I'm just dandy.

I found out today that my nephew is engaged. He is 24 (I think) and engaged. Even though I am of course really excited and happy for him that he found someone (she is really sweet) I am just thinking that it should be my turn to get married. Oh well.

You are not playing by the rules

A boy winked at me on match (yay me), I then winked back. Boy emails me the same day goes on and on about what he is looking for and then gives me his number and wants to talk on the phone. I don't like those rules. Can't we just email for a little bit first. Then that way I can find out if you are worth my time to even get me to talk to you on the phone. Man.... this boy is jumping the gun!

Hottie McChuck is his nickname...

Ok so Meredith has her McDreamy, I now have my McChuck. I started my photography class on Tuesday and saw a cutie as we were all waiting to get into our classroom. Turns out the cutie is my teacher.... YES! His name is Nathan (love that name) and he is cute and kinda dorky. Just how I like them. As class went on I started to think that he reminded me a little bit of Chuck from the best tv show 'Chuck'. I'm in heaven, if you have talked to me since that show started you would know that I'm sooo crushing on Chuck. He also slightly reminds me of George from Greys. Anyways.... he is around my age ( I don't have any specifics) but he graduated from Columbia and has been working as a photo teacher for a few years now. AND the best part is there is no ring on his finger! BINGO! Now I just have to be cute every Tuesday and Thursday and make sure he knows that I'm not some 18 year old taking this class.... My mission begins!

New Found Talent That I have...

So after being bored at my desk today I have come to realize that I can arch my left eye brow pretty high. I tried to do the same w/ my right brow but no such luck. I can do both at the same time but if I try to do only my right side... nothing. It is like that side of my face is paralyzed.

08/16/08 ~ What a Great Day!

Two of my really good friend got married on Saturday. It was one of the best weddings that I have ever been too. The whole weekend was great. The rehearsal was on Friday. Saturday morning we spent it getting ready for the wedding. The wedding, I just can't even put it into words on how beautiful the ceremony was. And the reception was a blast. I'm so happy for my friends that they have decided to spend the rest of there lives together. I just hope that I am that lucky one day! So here is to J and K!

I loved this pic!

I CANT SLEEP

The Olympics are sooooooo my favorite thing and it is a shame that they are only on every four years. Well not really since the winter and summer ones are two years apart. Anywho..... I have not been able to get much sleep lately. Not only am I staying up late to watched everything but I have the last two night been dreaming about them. Last night I was in a swimming competition w/ Michael Phelps! I'm so crushing on him by the way. I'm going to be dead by the time the two weeks are over!

It is a sad day!

I found out yesterday that the cutie that works w/ me is quitting. Now I won't have anything good to look at anymore... and damn he beat me to quitting. Oh well my time will come soon! It is just said that my eye candy is leaving.

I thought this email was sweet.

Someone email this to me on match....

Hi, Where do I begin, ok, how about you are so cute and have a great smile. I saw your profile and was immediately taken by your pic. Then I read your profile and wanted to know more about you. You seem intelligent and fun.my kind of girl. A little about me. I live in Arlington Heights (30 mins from the city), single and enjoying life. I keep active by exercising and playing sports. I tend to tell lots of jokes and love to make people laugh. I love my family and friends.. And yes, I look young for my age. It will all work out when all my friends are 60 and I still look like I'm in my 20s. That will be my revenge. Before I ramble on, let me ask you to take a chance on a guy who may not be big on stature, but big in heart.. I will always treat you with respect and make you laugh. So get on that keyboard and say hi back. Let's go out and have some fun. I know we can have tons of laughs together. I hope this letter finds you well. Have a great day.. and I look forward to hearing from you soon..Gary

How to talk someone into going to Taco Bell w/ you.

If there is ever a time when you have a craving for some Tbell and you have a friend that might need some talking into it all you need to do is:

Tell them about the cheese... let them know the crunch wrap is calling there name.... Dr. Pepper (need I say more about the Pepper).... and of course just being in my company is worth it...

And then see it works.... You have a Tbell buddy. Yay!

I'm pissed

Well not so much at this moment but I went to get my hair cut and highlighted last night. I have a wedding in about a week and a half to stand up in and I wanted to make sure that my dark roots were taken care of. I at first asked my hair lady to just put highlights around my hair line in the front and then do the crown of my head. She then suggested that she do a touch up. Here is where the mistake happened. I figured that since I had just said that I wanted highlights (blond hair comes to me mind since I have super blond highlights already in my hair) well she starts to put a color around my scalp. I figured that she was bleaching my roots..... well the color gets washed out and I have darker roots now. It wasn't as dark as my real color but it is darker then my blond highlights.... I WAS PISSED WHEN I GOT HOME. The color really isn't bad and if I wasn't standing up in a wedding I would be fine but I had it in my head that I was for the most part going to be a blond for the wedding..... Oh well................ sniff.

School Supplies

This fall will be the first time that I will be back in school since I graduated college in 2003. I'm taking a photography class at the community college by my house. I went to Target two times in the last two weeks and have started to purchase some school supplies for myself. Last week I bought a notebook and yesterday a got a folder. If you are wondering why I didn't buy the two at the same time well the answer if b/c they didn't have a folder to match my notebook. That might sound crazy to some but I always took pride in getting my school supplies before each school year. I was walking up and down the isle secretly wishing that I had to purchase glue and crayons. I even saw a really cute cat folder and I really wanted to get it but decided not too b/c I didn't want the other students to think I am strange. Now all I need are some pens and a backpack!!! Would it be too much if all were the same color???? HMMMMM.

1:33 AM

That is the time that my power came back on last night. When I called ComEd the recording said that b/c of the mass quantities of people who were w/ out power they were trying to be realistic and said that it could take several days before our power was restored. I almost peed my pants when I woke up to my tv blasting and the light by my bed beaming on me.

I'm a mess

Lately I feel that I have been a little down on some good karma lately. I really need to find out a way to charge what the karma gods are dealing me....

Job: Totally sucks. I have been so busy that I have been working during my lunches and going in early just to catch up on my crap. I was so stressed out on Friday that I came home and cried away my woos.... Now it is Sunday night and I feel like throwing up at the thought of going to work tomorrow.

Feet: I'm a cripple. Left toe is blue and purple right now. I dropped my cell phone on my toe last week. It isn't pretty. Right foot's bunion is flaring up and I keep on getting shooting pains. It is making walking interesting at times.

Love life: WELL I JUST DON'T HAVE ONE! ENOUGH SAID.

Entertainment: Has been a little bit low. I haven't been able to hang out w/ my friends too much lately. They all have been pretty busy lately. Although mom has become a great person to hang out w/!! LOVE YOU MOM :)

The Rag: OMG my period this month has just been awful. I got it yesterday and I had bad cramps, flow has been much more then normal, no energy, total increase in food intake, and my mood isn't the greatest for the past three days.

I'm going to the gynie on Thursday and Friday I have to get two cavities filled.... WTF.

I hope the rest of my August is going to improve...

Shoping Shoping Shoping

Yesterday I went shopping w/ my mom and I was a shopping machine. I got soooo much stuff on sale. I bought work out clothes that were 60% off and then at Carson's I got three dress all on sale too. I got all three dress for $150 when each dress at regular price was well over $100 each. I love sales!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got a dress for my friend J's wedding rehearsal and one for my friend D's wedding and the third one I got just b/c it was sooooo pretty and my mom said it looked wonderful on me.... How could I have passed that up.

Only in a Friends episode would this happen... no it did happen to me! DAMN

Last week I was scheduled for a job interview with a company my friend told me about. I got an email from a women in HR and she told me the names of the two guys I would be interviewing with. One of the names looked familiar to me. The next day I had lunch w/ D (her fiance is the one who told me about the job) and I told her that one of the names of the guys I would be interviewing w/ was the same name as a guy who I went to high school with and better yet was the guy who I had make out w/ a few years back. My two girl friends and I ran into him and his two friends at a club and then we all went back to one of there houses. I totally ended up making out w/ this guy. D now curious to see if it was the same guy called her fiance. He said that he thought it might be the same guy b/c this guy from his work grew up in the town of my high school and was my age. And later confirmed that it was in fact the same guy.... I was horrified. How could I go now to this job interview. I was hoping that he wouldn't remember me. As luck would have it the next morning the HR women called and canceled the interview saying that all there openings had been filled. I was so happy b/c I know for a fact that I would have blown that interview.... Seriously stuff like that shouldn't happen in the real world. It should only be on tv shows for entertainment value.

Oh to be 22 again...

Saturday night I went to a local bar/club w/ some friends. At the end of the night there was the guy who started talking to me. He looked super and he then asked me how old I was. I told him to guess my age. He guessed 21 (ha) and I told him to add 7 years to that. He then told me that he was 22 (he's a baby)! As he kept on talking to me he kept on saying... wow you look good for a 28 year old! Oh what a stab to the heart.... NOW I FEEL SOOOO OLD to have a 22 tell me that I look good for being 28. Isn't that usually what you would say to someone at least over 40!! Hello!

Dancing Queen

I saw Mamma Mia on Friday and LOVED it! And now I wish that I could just break out into a song and dance at any moment. You know I'm at the mall shopping when a cutie walks by and I would like to be able to start jiving down the isle to some upbeat song confessing my devoted love to him. Wouldn't that be great! Oh well I guess I will have to keep these songs to myself...

I need a belt!

I'm w/out undies (as usual) but this time I'm wearing a pair of pants that are a little bit big. I have a huge gap in my waist and if I were to bend over it would not be pretty. Crack galore! I couldn't find any belts this morning. I think I only own two and I haven't seen them since I moved a few years ago. I think I need to purchase a new belt!

Since I posted a dog I can't be a trader... here are cute cats

I want a dog!

For the first time ever in my life I now want a dog. This dog actually. She is my sister Jenne's dog Daisy. I just fell in love w/ her. Maybe I can get Jenne to send her to me for my birthday!

Pics from the Japanese garden at the botanical gardens in TX.

Now I just need to Feng Shui my room and get a zen garden of my own!

SYTYCD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok a new season of So You Think You Can Dance has started and I'm so excited. Season four is definitely not a disappointment! We are on week 3 and last night there was an amazing performance by two of my favorites. I found the clip on youtube but since I'm computer stupid I couldn't figure out how to post it on here! Bummer!

I did it, I did it!

While on vacation in TX I went to a indoor rock climbing place w/ my fam. I started out only making it half way up the wall b/c I was then too afraid to climb higher b/c then I would have to get down somehow... SCARY! Anyways my 14 year old nephew Jacob talked me into going all the way to the top! In this pic I'm swinging my arm up to hit the bell! YAY ME!

A few strikes and buddy I think you are out.

After a few weeks of just looking at your great qualities, a great job, nice cars, being in the military I now see that you are selfish and just into your self. You never ask any questions about me (you don't even know what I do for a living) you don't remember anything that I do tell you and you are the hardest person to have a conversation with since I'm the only one coming up with things to talk about.... YOU SUCK! And the real kicker you didn't pass my test. HELL NO AM I DRIVING ALL THE WAY OUT TO ROCKFORD TO MEET YOU FOR DINNER TONIGHT. I WILL DO HALF WAY OR YOU COME TO ME DARLING... HELLO I'M THE LADY.... GOOD BYE TO YOU.....

Is this too harsh to tell a guy??? I'm thinking of texting this to Ty since I'm too much a chicken to actually say this to him....

I'm totally coping you D with your song lyrics....

I'll Wait for Love, by Matt White

It's like a quarter to three and I just can't sleep
'Cause I'm thinking of you
And all those times we cried
Did we really try?
Now I'm dreaming in blue

No matter where we say goodbye
I tell you baby
Keep your head high

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard,
I'll think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

And looking in my eyes
We're both telling lies
Asking too much of you
And when you kiss my lips
That is what i miss
Not knowing we be through

No matter when we say goodbye
I tell you darling
I won't cry

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard,
I'll think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

Your eyes still gaze at me through pictures
You could just be the one that got away
I look down at the phone
It's your number
Too many times a day

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard,
I'll think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

In one week...

I will be leaving here and flying down to Texas. I can't wait to see my sister and her family. I better come back with a nice tan and be relaxed. One whole week away from my horrid job! June 23 the job hunt begins.

I Hate Dating....

I do. It isn't fun for me. I just want to have someone and get past the whole I'm nervous, I'm breaking out in hieves b/c I'm going on a first date or im itchy just thinking about talking to a guy on the phone for the first time.... sometimes I think that I'm like Samatha Jones (minus the totally sex freak part) and don't want to be in a relationship b/c I just like being w/ me. I just get so stressed out over everything that goes alone w/ dating.

06/02/08 = BLAH

I know we are should never wish away days, we should live each day to the fullest but I don't want to do that today. Today or last night rather started off bad. I couldn't sleep, I'm not sure why, maybe it was b/c I was hot or just not sleepy or just dreading going to work the next day. As I was getting ready for work this morning I was getting nervous about coming into work. That is what my job has done to me. I just anticipate all these bad things happening and then panic attacks start. By the time I walked into work my heart was pounding. So in protest I am going to try to not work at all today unless I need to get something done right away.

06/19/08 the search for a new job begins!

SATC

I saw Sex and the City on Friday and it was amazing. Thanks D for going w/ me. I had a blast and I want copies of those pics so that I can scrapbook them.

I feel loved!

Two of my good friends have really brighten up my last two days. They have made me feel so much better about myself and have said some really great things to me. Thanks KB and Topangabay! You are truely great friends!

One

I think that I'm a bad friend. I have lost a lot of them at least. Maybe things like that just happen in life or maybe I'm just not a good friend. I have been thinking lately that I'm too selfish maybe I don't give enough in my friend relationships. Maybe I just need to start meeting more people and start being nicer. For a long time now I have felt like I don't have that person like many others do. My friends either have a sister or there boyfriends that they can turn to and I feel like I have been walking alone for a really long time and it is starting to eat away at me. I so wish that my sister would move back to town. I feel then that I wouldn't feel so alone.

Spend the money or stay home

I was invited out to Medieval Times this Saturday. Do I go or stay home and save money?

Pros:

It would be fun.
I feel that I haven't been going out enough lately
I won't meet a man sitting at home

Cons:

I will have to spend money
I don't know if I can invite my friends to go and if not then I would only know one person

Ummm what to do?

You want to be my friend...

Ok what do you do when someone (a co-worker maybe) wants to be your friend and you just really don't like the person. Ok let me word that differently, you just don't like a lot of her characteristics. Do you give the person a chance or no?

I feel that I need new friends ( I have my few close ones but I need more) lately. Not sure why but I do. So maybe this is the new friend that I have been looking for. Doubt it but since I want more I should maybe give her a shot.

What I'm looking forward too...

Since my job sucks so much a way for me to get through the days is to think of something fun that I'm planning on going or anything to get my mind off of work. Right now I'm thinking of how fun my next vacation will be (I'm going to visit my sis in TX on June 12). I'm also thinking of having dinner w/ my friend this week at BWW (A fav restaurant) and I'm also thinking of going shopping to get new clothes like my sis in law.

After my next vacation is over my goal is to look for a new job. I'm going to ask for my friends help here. Will you please get on my case if you see, hear that I'm not holding up my part! I am the kind of person who some times needs to have that push to get things done!

Vacation

I got back from my vacation out east yesterday. I had such a great time that I didn't want to come back home, well besides missing my bed. I think that I want to move. I have never really said that but I want to now. Annapolis was such a nice small town and it reminded me of one of my favorite tv shows Gilmore Girls. It was very old and had so much character. And the navy academy is right there so that can't hurt.

I have also decided that I want to marry someone in the military. They have a lot of characteristics that I like in a man plus I love a man in a uniform! Can I get a Hell yeah. I have also come to realize that I want to be just like my sister in law EB. She has the cuties clothes, is a great mom to her 17 month old, has a great job and I just want her live. I'm going to have to try and work on mine now.

One thing I hate

Ok I know I have written a lot of posts today but I have been behind and will be gone for a few days. One thing that I hate is when people try to change you. Well let me clarify that. I hate it when guys try to change things about me. For example, I had dinner w/ a guy a few days ago and he was trying to get me to change things about me, such as in the kinds of food I eat he wanted me to be more food daring and also about me not wanting to move out of state and start a new life. This is such a pet peeve for me and it actually pisses me off.

I think that over the year I have become more of a bitch. And I think b/c of it I can't put up w/ stupid stuff like this!

SHOPPING IS THE BEST MEDS!

I went shopping this weekend, kind of a spur of a moment thing and it was wonderful. I ended up spending $300 that day but it temporary relieved my internal madness!!! Thank you to The Gap and Ritz Camera!

Why I will not settle

I had a convo with someone this weekend and talked about how I feel about people who are with someone b/c they don't want to be alone or feel that they can not find anyone better. The thing that makes me slightly sick to my stomach is when those people decide to take these relationships and move them to the next step of marriage. There are a few people I know like this and I truly feel sorry for them b/c there is a good chance that they will never find true love which saddens me. Or they will end up ending there marriage. Both of my parents were previously married and even though I'm not a divorcee kid I saw what it did to my siblings. I have never settled and I NEVER WILL!

April 30 won't come soon enough

I'm leaving for Annapolis this Wed and it is just what I need right now. I have been stressed out at work and I feel that personally I'm in a rut. I need this temporary change to hopefully clear out my mind. Lately I have felt so alienated and I honestly don't know why. I have felt like an outsider looking in on my own life. Might sound strange I don't get it myself but I'm wishing that short get away will help. I have felt distant from the people I care about most (fam and friends) and I don't like it.

I'm Back.

I haven't been on here for awhile. But here is an update on me:

I have been working out a lot and have tried to get some better eating habits. I'm actually counting my calories. I'm going to visit my brother in Annapolis the end of this month. I finally purchased the camera that I have wanted forever. My new thing is to go to BWW for dinner like every other week for dinner. I have recently been talking to a guy that I meet from Match about a year ago. I'm going to visit my sister in Texas in June. I still hate my job. I signed up to take a photography class at the community college by my house, it starts in the fall. I have ants hanging around my desk at work, another reason to hate my job. I dyed my hair dark brown and I already want to go blond.

Marriages should be forever

One of my co-workers was just talking about possibly getting engaged to her boyfriend. She takes her boyfriend for granted and is always talking about leaving him and she is getting married just to get married because all of her friends are. That makes me so mad. I hate it when people take marriage not serious at all. No wonder there are so many divorces now. I also don't understand why people settle for people that are not right for them. Don't you want to be madly in love? Don't you want to know that this person is the one that you are going to spend the rest of your life with and never question if it is right or not.

Hypochondriac

When I'm bored at work (which is everyday) I have to get creative on ways to make the day past fast. My new thing is to go onto the WedMD Website and type in symptoms that I'm having to see what is wrong w/ me. Can we say hypochondriac! Anyways today I think that I have type 2 Diabetes. I have for years now thought that I was Diabetic and of course whenever I'm at the doctor I never bring it up. I'm sure after all these years if I was truly sick I would have been REALLY sick by now. I think that I should be banned from this website. It does me no good. I end up sending the links to either my mom or friends and ask 'Do you think that I have this.' Earlier this week it was cancer now I'm diabetic. I need a new job!!!

Carpe Diem

I have at least two experience in life that I wish I would have seized the opportunity when it was first brought to me. There are two guys that I wish that when I knew they liked me I would have handled things differently. I don't react to things fast, I now know that. I'm that kind of person who needs to analyze it to death before I make up my mind. With both guys I finally decided that I liked them when it was too late. I blame myself but I guess that it was meant to turn out this way otherwise I would have reacted differently in the beginning.

My Dad

I'm worried about my dad's health. He is over weight. He is trying to do weight watchers but I don't think that he is too serious about it. It makes me nervous that something might happen to him soon. Sometimes his breathing is very heavy. I sometimes think the worst, I know that I shouldn't but sometimes I do and it scares me. I know my mom has the same concerns too. He is aware of her concerns, that is why he is on WW. I hope that he starts to take this seriously soon.

Heart to Heart

I went to Lake Gevena for the weekend. My sister in law Erin invited me to a scraping weekend. I had done it before so I said yes right away when asked if I wanted to attend this one. My mom and friend Patty came w/ me. Also attending was Erin, her mom and aunt and one of her friends and also my sister in law Jenny and her friend. There were nine of us in total. I had a great time. I was even able to open up to my mom and Patty about what was going on with me and about an event that had just happened. They had a lot of good advise and I really felt better afterwards. I wish that I could go to these things more often b/c it feels good to get away from everything back home!

Swing Swing Swing

I just got asked if I would want to take some swing dance lessons! I love to dance and it seems like it would be so much fun.

Talk about a 180

Ok I was in such a rut on Friday. Work was so slow that I was for some odd reason having some panic attacks. That got me thinking of all the negative things going on right now in my life. I was having a pity party for myself basically. After work I went shopping w/ Lindsay (shopping always brightens my mood) and I was able to find some really cute stuff. After Lindsay and I meet up w/ our friend Jeff for pizza. I was in such a good mood now the shopping (and one Red Bull later) really lifted my spirits. The company around me, the pizza, and all the laughing was just want I needed to get out of my rut.

This felt good...

About 15 mins ago I was asked out to dinner and a movie by a boy! It felt good to be wanted! I already have plans so I can't go but we are going to set something up soon. I don't like this guy in a romantic way but it still felt good.

Unhappy

I don't know what it is but lately I have been in such bad moods. I have some thoughts on what can be the cause of it but sometimes I just don't know why. Maybe I'm sick like Britney Spears and am bipolar. If I start wearing a pink wig please reach out and try to help me. Ok enough with the joking around. Last night in a convo I had w/ a friend she mentioned that she was so busy in life that she didn't even have him to worry about stuff. Well I don't have anything right now to make myself busy so I need something. Any suggestions???

Throwing in the towel

I think that it is time for me to give up on a few things. It is finally time for me to delete some of those phone numbers that should have been gone a long time ago. You know it is numbers from a few guys that I hoped would one day call me out of the blue and ask how I am or ask to do something. It is also time for me to stop trying to reconnect w/ a guy who used to like me. I can only invite him out soo many times before I look like a stalker. I did get confirmation on that last night too so I need to stop. It is time for me to stop trying to make things work when I know that they won't. Some friendships just are not worth saving. You really pissed me off after making a big deal when I didn't call you back and then when I did call I never heard back from you. It has been almost two months now!!

Thanks Ladies

Thanks KB and D for lunch. It just added to the happy day that I'm having. Lets just hope that this last the rest of the day!!

Winter Sucks

I'm so sick of this weather. We just got another maybe five inches of snow last night/this morning. And I'm so sick of drivers who drive up on your ass in these weather conditions. I so just want to slam on my brakes so that they hit me! There was an SUV (shocking) that was so close to me this morning and I couldn't have even gone faster if I wanted too b/c there were cars in front of me and I was kinda close to them. Usually when it snows I leave about a three to five (hehe) cars in front of me but this morning it was about only two. Grrrrr is all I have to say right now, that and I almost got hit by a car when I was making a left turn and it so would have been my fault :) OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be what my friends think of me

Last night I came across an old email from a friend. In this email my friend was telling me about how strong I am as a person. Thinking back now I wonder if I am still that strong girl or was I ever that girl. Maybe I just gave off the impression that I was that way. On the inside I usually feel like I don't have my shit together and I'm shocked to hear people say that they think differently of me. This friend wasn't the first to say something like this to me. So either I have everyone fooled or I am much different then even I think! I hope that I am what some people see in me.

A Few Good Men

Ok a friend just asked me to write a blog b/c she is bored at work and wants something to read. Too much pressure to come up w/ anything good so I'm going to go a different route. I'm going to give you a list of some actors that I thought were HOTT in these roles. So after you read please let me know if you agree or have any others that you would like to add to my list...

Joaquin Phoenix - Ladder 49
Keanue Reeves - Speed
Jason Statham - The Transporter 1 & 2
Brad Pitt - Legend of the Falls, all of the Ocean movies and Troy
Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Caribbean
Tom Cruise - Top Gun
Leonardo Di Caprio - Titanic (I will never let go Jack, I will never let go! sniff)
Brandon Routh - Superman Returns
Matthew McConaughey - How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
Paul Walker - Into the Blue
Ryan Reynolds - Just Friends

**UPDATE** Thanks D

John Cusack - Say Anything (I never saw the movie but I know D loves it)
Michael Schoeffling - 16 Candles (Jake Ryan is so HOTT!)

Ok I can't come up w/ any more. It must be b/c I'm at work and it is sucking the life out of me and b/c it's Friday.

I Hate Thursdays

Today is just one of those days that I could do w/out. First off it is Thursday. I hate Thursdays. Someone once told me that they loathed Thursdays. I asked them why and they said that they didn't have a reason, the day of the week just always sucked for them. I laughed at him at the time but now I know what he is talking about. I usually never know why I hate Thursdays I usually just do. So again, it is Thursday. Then this morning this SUV almost t boned my car in my work parking lot.... I was so shocked by the whole event that I didn't even hit my horn. Damn SUV drivers! Once at work I remembered that a co-worker is off for the rest of the week and I had to deal w/ some of her calls this morning... not a good way to start off my day. A few hours into my day my stomach started hurting, hurting so bad that I thought that I was going to throw up but luckily drinking a coke helped calm it down. And to top it all off today is Valentines Day. Usually I never care about today or get sad but today I'm a little bummed that I don't have someone special to spend it w/ (My D did offer to be my Valentine, thanks D). It didn't help that everyone at work was making such a big deal about today. Otherwise I think I would have been fine. Only 10 hours to go until it is Friday!

Playing hookie never felt so good!

I woke up this morning feeling that I had to find a way out of going to work. When that didn't happen I dragged myself out of bed, got ready and headed off. Once at work I knew that it was going to be impossible to make it the whole day, so the plotting began. I talked myself into faking a headache and my acting skills went into action. I actually had co-workers coming up to me asking if I was feeling ok... YES I'M GOOD... so right before lunch I told my manager that I needed to go home. Thinking that they would tell me to wait to at least the half day point I was totally surprised when they suggested that I just pack up and go home.... OH IM IN HEAVEN!

So now I'm at home all nice and cozy (it is at best 7 degrees outside) and home before the snow starts (they are saying we might get 3-5 inches starting at 3PM)! The possibilities are endless right now on how I can spend my afternoon, should I take a nap, read a book, watch a movie... I just don't know... Anyways I'm off to finish enjoying my afternoon!!

Promise is a promise

A few days ago I promised a friend that this fall I was finally going to take a photograghy class like I have been saying for a few years now. I think that I have also picked out the camera that I want to get. Now I just have to start saving...

Hmmm. Could this guy be the one???

One thing that I hate about myself is that whenever there is a guy that I like I automatically think to myself 'Can I see myself married to this guy.' Why do I do this? Am I the only one who does this or do others think the same way? I wish that I could just learn to stop these thoughts and try to enjoy myself and what this guy has to offer me w/out jumping the gun and freaking myself out. Because then I just start to focus on the things that I don't like about the guy thinking that well I could never end up w/ this guy b/c of____! Then I eventually talk myself out of liking the guy. It is a sicking process that I go through all the time.

If you have any advise please let me know....

This is for you D...

SAD is real!!! HEHE

http://www.webmd.com/depression/seasonal-affective-disorder

You've lost that loving feeling...

I first want to start this entry by saying that on the radio this morning they said that we have not had sunlight since Feb 1st and it was only out for 11 mins. With that being said, I wanted to share with you that I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and have not had any energy or motivation to do anything. I have been a pathatic lump of mush actually.

Wanting to change this state of mind I asked a few friends yesterday if they would like to join me for dinner both C and the boy agreed (thank God). We all meet at Buffalo Wild Wings, a new fav place of mine. The food was great, conversation was funny and the song 'You've lost that loving feeling was following me that day.

Earlier that day when emailing the boy we started going back and forth w/ Topgun quotes and ended up emailing lines from the song. Then later at dinner as we all decided that we had had enough fun at BW3s the boy pointed out that 'our' song was on. Again today at work the song came on the radio which brought a smile to my face. Plus it is finally sunny today so my mood is about 5 % better today :)

I'm also adding that my spellcheck function is not working anymore and if you know me, you know that I can't spell for shit so please bare w/ any mis spelled words. Thank you very much!

Have you been invited to the Death Star lately, because I have...

Last week I was having an email conversation w/ a friend. Earlier that week I had invited him to come out w/ my friends and me and now he was telling me that he wouldn't be able to make it. I totally fall into sexual converstaions all the time and don't even realise it...

Me: Fine. Don't hang out w/ me. I see how it is.
Boy: You can always come over to the Death Star whenever you want ; )
(FYI Death Star in boy lingo = his townhouse. And for those of you how don't know, the Death Star is Darth Vadors ship in Star Wars!)
Me: Well I might just have to do that. Why do you call it the death star?
Boy: To impress you ; )
Me: Oh I like it when boys try to impress me. So what else you got to impress me w/?
Boy: Well you'll have to come over to the death star and find out ; )

Man I so walked into that one... I'm such an airhead sometimes. HEHE!!!

So far this month has put me in the dumps

It is only 5 days into Feb and I am already over it. The weather has shit on us here... We started Feb 1 w/ getting 9 inches of snow and we are to get another 5-9 inches tomorrow. I have spend $1500 on my car the past week and I'm stressed out at work. I haven't posted much lately b/c even though I have stuff to say I'm not sure I'm ready to put it on here yet. So instead I'm have kept my self busy by reading other really cool blogs that I have found. It is good to know that there are others out there who suffer from the same stuff as me. I think it is a comfort to read about there lives and how they deal w/ stuff.

Oh and an update on a previous post. This isn't official but I think my brother is moving to NC instead of CA in May...... Looks like I might not even get the chance to move there even if I decided to.

Damn those 100 calorie packs!

Ok so last night I was doing a little bit of shopping at Target. I was looking for some snacks to have at work. I came to the 100 calorie pack choices and I decided to try the mini blueberry muffins. I had never bought these before so I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if there were going to taste good, maybe they had less calories or were the quanties just less. I took a chance and brought one of the mini blueberry packs w/ me to work this morning. I barely ate anything yesterday ( I will explain why in another blog story I have for you ) so I riped open the pack about 5 mins of being at work. And after I open it I see that there are TWO mini muffins.... WTF! That is 100 calories! I ate them (there were quite good actually) and then was left w/ wanting more. I think the whole 8 pack box I bought is equalivant to one whole muffin. And damn it I'm still hungry!

I'm so proud of you!

Hey Jenne, I just wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of you for going out and getting your dream job!!! I heard from mom that your first day was great and that you are going to have your own patient tonight! Good luck!

Damn they figured me out!!!

So it has finally happened.... My bosses have somehow figured out that I'm not as busy as I pretend to be b/c they have given me more accounts to work on. Those bastards. Luckily for me I'm pretty fast at getting them done so I can still continue to do my email, blogging and just doing nothing!!! Life is good!

Baby it's cold outside

So this past weekend has been the coldest weekend so far and I'm hoping that we don't have anymore like it...

I ended up having a wonderful weekend (for the most part, I'll explain the not so great part a little later). Friday I visited Patty b/c she is not very mobile after having her foot surgery. Chris came over a little bit later and we ate, laughed and watched TV. Oh and I pulled out all of our old High School pics and they were so funny to look at. I wanted to burn about 99% of them but still quite funny. Saturday I had a busy day. I had to take in Biscuit for an 8:30 vet appointment to see what was wrong w/ him. I felt so bad b/c he got a full physical but it turns out that Biscuit is only constipated. YAY! Now I just have to find food that he will eat that has more fiber in it! I then went shopping, cleaned the house (I even swiffered the floor), and I baked a cake. Later that night I met up w/ my friends and we went to Mac Grill for dinner and then went back to my house to watch my friend Karie's wedding video. I love wedding so it was so much fun watching it. Although now that I have watched my self dance I now see that I make way too many funny faces. I think I might get way too into my dancing. I might need to refrain from going that. Well as my friends and I were watching the video my neighbor was playing his music very loudly. It was kinda annoying b/c it had sounded like the same song going on for like 3 hours. My friends left a little bit after midnight and the music just kept on going. Finally at 1:23 it stopped!! I was so pissed at this point, I so wanted to call the cops on him (man I feel old) b/c I was tired and couldn't sleep w/ all that noise. So the next morning it started all over again. This time there was singing along w/ the music. OMG!! The little light in my head is going on... He is having band practice at his house. GREAT!!! I wonder how ofter this will take place! Anyways on Sunday I was able to get a lot of my book read so I was happy b/c I was able to be lazy and read! I need more weekends like that.

The Biscuit

Ok so I have a cat named Biscuit aka The Biscuit aka baby love (yeah I so stole that nickname from the TV show 'Girls Next Door') and I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow morning. It seems that he is having some issues depositing his goal into the litter box b/c he has this terrible cry! I'm thinking that he is constipated or at least hoping that is his issue and it isn't anything majorly wrong w/ him. I'm such a bad mommy too b/c I'm taking him outside on the coldest day of the year!!! Anyways so wish us luck that The Biscuit will be ok!

What's wrong w/ people.....

Ok I'm going to be venting about my job. I just can't stand this place this week. I don't want to sound mean but I work w/ the stupidest people around. There is this customer that I work w/ and my contact there is only working w/ about two brain cells. It is pretty sad that I take her job more seriously then she does. And it stresses me out that she can't even do the simplest thing. OMG! Anyways I have finally gotten today the things that I needed from her (I have been asking for this stuff for over a week) and my stress level is slowly going down! I think my blood pressure is almost normal and the hives are fading! I'm just waiting for her to drop the next bomb though. Damn I hate Thursdays!

Random Fact and I'm Bored

My first name is the 66th most common name in the whole USA!

I'm so the favorite aunt

I babysat for 3 of my nieces and nephews on Friday. It went really well. The kids were so well behaved for an 8, 6, and 4 year old. They showed me all of there Christmas gifts and then we decided to watch SpongeBob SquarePants the movie (which was actually pretty funny) ate way too much popcorn and then I helped them set up for the slumber party they were going to have in the oldest room. Yesterday my sister in law called to chat and the middle niece asked to talk to me just to say hi. I'm so there favorite aunt now!!!