I'm Sick

Ok im going to first warn you that im in a horrible mood and that this blog is going to have a much angry vibe to it so you might not even want to read it but this blog is to help me feel better about what im feeling so that is why im writing it.

im sick of being in such a bad mood ALL of the time. i dont' know know how to help myself get out of this bad mood but it is killing me.

im sick of being alone. yesterday was new years eve and even though i was w/ most of my clostest friends ever i have never felt more alone then i did last night. i so bad just wanted to have someone there w/ me to bring in the new year w/ that is was all i could do to hold back a sobbing fest.

im so sick of people always pointing out my age. it is such a sentative subject w/ me that i dont' want to be reminded that im getting up there and having NOTHING to show for it in my life besides a lot of bills.

im so sick of thinking that my life is pathatic!!!! i have no self estem anymore. i used to have a lot but i guess shit happened and it just went away.

im sick of putting other peoples feelings before mine. that is just the kind of person that i am and i will prob still put there feelings before mine but im so sick of it.

im sick of playing the safe side of things. i never take a chance in life.

im so sick of people who use me, there is one person right now that im thinking of (none of you girls) but im so thinking of not talking to him anymore... oh and i hate it when he lies to me!!!

im sick of wanting so many things and never going out and getting them. i can only solo take the blame for this one and it sucks but i guess that i will have to try to somehow figure out how to get what i want.

im so sick of being afraid of being in a relationship. i want one so bad and at the same time they scare the hell out of me. i guess that is why im my age and single!! i need to get my f***ing act together otherwise im going to be living at my parents house forever.

and on a last note....... why are there so many f***ing losers out there that find me... why can't i get a nice one that will treat me right.... no i just get guys who don't want shit from me or stalkers. if everyone one else can find it then what the hell is my problem.

im sorry for the few people who actually do read this. but like i said before this is only an attempt to make myself feel better and i doubt that will work today......... great way to start out my new year........ just great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!